i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
