OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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