Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
