And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
