He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
