Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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