Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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