So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
