I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
