in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
