Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
