You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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