remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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