last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize