If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
