i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
