My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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