So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
