does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
