I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
