I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
pray to the hookup gods
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
