I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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