I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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