Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
