Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
