Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
