Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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