I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
