so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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