My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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