Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
