Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize