Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
