I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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