She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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