I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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