I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize