There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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