The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
