so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
pray to the hookup gods
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
