you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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