The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
