last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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