So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize