Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
