I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
