sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
