i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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