My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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