so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize