I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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