u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize