marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
