Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
