i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
