i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
