I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
