Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
