Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
