I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize