The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
