You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
