nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
