the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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