Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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