Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
