you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You are the jesus of drinking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
