I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
