I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i now understand why vodka
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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