i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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