i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
