3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
