I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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