He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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