drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i will never coherently bang her
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
