I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
