you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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