I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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