why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
