it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
