I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A+ Viking dick
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
