That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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