she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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