One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
