$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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