I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
