i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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