Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
