I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
