I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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