Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
