Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
